A Memo to Washington:

"To do two things at once is to do neither"

- Publilius Syrus

Sorry to get political on everyone, but with all that Obama and the rest of congress are doing with hedging their bets on so many agendas we are doomed to fail in all pursuits. Health care, the recession, energy crisis/DUFO(that's dependence upon foreign oil - it's the new WMD....), the war, the auto industry/"cash for clunkers" and on and on.....not to mention all the jaunts around the world to shake the hands of leaders everywhere. Why is our country in a dead sprint to fix problems that didn't happen overnight and sure wont be fixed in that manner? How the hell are we going to pay for all this? No one knows? Well, let's just do it, and we'll figure it out later. Sure worked for the stimulus/bailout. Sorry for the cynicism. As I watch Meet the Press with Harold Ford, Jr. and earlier this morning Larry King with Ann Coulter on youtube - MAN! I want to shoot them both! Nausea ensues....

(thanks, Ignacio for the quote)

Yes They Did....

Well, the election was called at 11:00 ish on Tuesday night, and at 9:00 on Wednesday night this episode aired. I'm sorry for multiple South Park posts, but like I said - these guys sure can pull a quick commentary (they even have the line about the girl's new dog for the White House...).

It's a spin on Ocean's Eleven with McCain and Obama in cahoots all along....It is only viewable until this coming Wednesday, so have a look while you can. It mocks both sides of the fence perfectly- crazy, jubilant Obama fans looking to party down with no consequence and suicidal Republicans calling it the end of the world.

Click here for the episode

Here is a preview

O-Town

EDITED

What Election's Have Become

The week before the election in 2004, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park, offered their usual crude, twisted commentary on whatever the current events may be. While most people scoff and look the other way at South Park, I am forever amazed at their ability to make a very intelligent statement (albeit completely offensive) about something that might have just occurred days before their episode airs. Even though I frequently say it about many episodes, the election episode was/is a classic. Here's the gist:

(please don't be offended)

The mascot for South Park Elementary had long been the Cows. The people of PETA step in and demand that they change their mascot. The school decides to take nominations for what the new mascot will be. As nominations come in, the boys decide to nominate something completely ridiculous as a joke. Dissent begins amongst the boys as to what it should be. Eric wants the mascot to be a Turd Sandwich, while Kyle thinks a Giant Douche is much funnier (thus begins the offending). The school holds an election to help settle the division in the school. At the center of it all, is Stan, who is unsure why he should even vote/participate in such a frivolous exercise. When he asks his parents why it's important to vote, they simply fight over which candidate is better. Soon Puff Daddy arrives in town to enforce his Vote or Die campaign, literally. Stan is hunted by Diddy and his entourage getting shot at, b/c he refuses to vote. The two campaigns use scare tactics and bribes to sway students to their cause ("Would your vote be swayed with perhaps a.....butterscotch candy? Or perhaps..................another butterscotch candy?")
A great moment occurs when Kyle finally convinces Stan of the importance of voting, and Stan decides to vote. When Kyle sees Stan fill out his ballot and mark Turd Sandwich (not the candidate Kyle supports) - HE GOES BALLISTIC!

Kyle - Wait, what are you doing?
Stan - I'm voting.
Kyle - But you wrote down Turd Sandwich
Stan - Yeah, I know.
Kyle - Dude, you're supposed to mark Giant Douche.
Stan - I thought I was supposed to make my own decision?
Kyle - Yeah, but not if your decision is for Turd Sandwich! What the hell is wrong with you!
Stan - You didn't want me to vote! You wanted me to vote for your guy!

Stan then tears up his ballot. So often the "get out the vote" cry is the "get out and vote - BUT ONLY FOR MY GUY". Stan is then banished from the town for failing to vote. An extremely sick sequence takes place for the next 5-10 min about Stan going to live on the PETA ranch that I won't get into. As Stan decides to return to South Park to vote. They all ask, "did you realize the importance of voting?". He says, "I realized that I better get used to voting for either a douche or a turd sandwich, b/c it's likely the only choice I'll have."

It is episode 8 of Season 8 or episode 119. You can watch it at SouthParkstudios.com for free (along with all the episodes).

So, get out and vote today for a douche or a turd, b/c in today's world you have to be a douche or a turd to get that far in politics.

"and my I remind you that a vote for Turd Sandwich is a vote for change"
- Eric Cartman

All the President's Men

Tonight, I'm watching one of my favorite movies on TCM - "All the President's Men". I own the commemorative special edition 20th anniversary etc. edition on 2-disc DVD. It's sitting 8 feet away from me, but I am still watching it on TV. Whitney and I are notorious for this practice of watching movies we own on TV. Regardless, it's a classic. If you have not seen, go watch it, then shoot yourself for not seeing it until now. It's the movie based on the book of the same name by Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein that blew the doors off the Watergate burglary in the 1970's. I mean we are talking about "Deep Throat" here, the secret informant of Bob Woodward that went unnamed on "deep background" for his strories in the Washington Post. The movie is full of icons with Redford as Woodward, Hoffman as Bernstein, Hal Holbrook as Deep Throat, and my favorite, Jason Robards, as Washington Post editor, Ben Bradlee. I love a good scandal, and I know you do, too. This was one the biggest ever. What a flick!!!

If you are bored on the internet just get on wikipedia and read all about G. Gordon Liddy, E. Howard Hunt, Bob Haldeman, Chuck Colson and John Mitchell. You can learn all about Watergate and bigger scandals like Hunt's involvement with LBJ and Kennedy's assassination. History buffs unite!

Why I am Voting Democrat

(feel free to fast forward 2 min in to the 5:45/7:00 mark to see some actual truths among this farce)

I'm voting Democrat because...

Nevermind....I'm not
I hate Barney Frank...
The mortgage issue Fannie/Freddie blah blah was caused by greedy banks, greedy Americans, and ignored by Democarats 6 yrs ago in Congress when the prospect of what happened this year in our economy was presented by Republicans as a likely future...
I fear a Filibuster-proof Senate more than anything concerning our government. At the same time, I would not want it the other way - with over 60 Republican Senators with a Republican White House. Our government is one of Checks & Balances. We are likely looking at a Congress/President scenario that gives free reign - and THAT scares me....

A Day In the Life

A Day In the Life of Sarah Palin:

One Wonders if Obama could be so resilient

by Michael Graham - Thursday, October 23, 2008 - Boston Herald

I have a dream for Sen. Barack Obama.

I have a dream that one day, for just 24 hours, he could be Sarah Palin.

OK, maybe that’s less of a dream and more a plot point from a bad Lindsay Lohan movie (redundancy alert!).

But imagine the Democratic nominee’s day as Barack Palin Obama:

He wake up and reaches for a secret cigarette and a copy of The New York Times [NYT]. Instead of the usual partisan puff pieces (“Obama Health Care Plan Pledges Miraculous Healings For All”), the Times is running exposes about his family.

Does his spouse have extremist political views? Who pays when his kids travel to Washington? And how do we know one of them isn’t really his grandkid?

Opening the editorial page Palin-Obama finds column after column filled with personal attacks and insults. Comments about his looks, how much his clothes cost, his speaking style - even suggestions that the radical teachings of his church might be a legitimate topic for discussion.

He clicks on MSNBC and sees the spittle-flecked face of Chris Matthews.

“Obama says he’s cutting taxes for 95 percent of taxpayers, but he’s not. He’s just sending them checks! No cut in their tax rate AT ALL! IT’S A LIE, A LIE! AAARRGGHHHH!

As the MSNBC medical staff fires yet another tranquilizer dart into Matthews’ thrashing body, Palin-Obama gets ready to face the day.

At the airport, Palin-Obama is under siege from the traveling press. “Why are you hiding, Sen. Obama? You haven’t taken questions from us since last month. Joe Biden hasn’t held a press avail since Sept. 7! Afraid he’ll make another ‘guaranteed crisis’ comment? How many more screw-ups before you dump the guy?”

A crowd of thousands gathers to hear him speak. When Palin-Obama mentions the “destructive foreign policy of George W. Bush,” someone shouts “murderer!” Another cries, “off with this head!”

By lunchtime, the cable news headline is: “Obama Whips Up Angry Mob, Some Fear Campaign May Inspire Violence.”

That afternoon, Palin-Obama sits down with a CNN reporter who spends the first half of the interview asking variations of the question, “How can a half-term senator with zero executive experience and no record of achievement be president? Shouldn’t you be ashamed of yourself for even running?”

“Let’s talk energy independence,” Palin-Obama asks hopefully. The reporter instead demands to know why Obama won’t release his medical records, his original birth certificate or the names of about half his contributors.

“You’re the most secretive candidate since Nixon,” the reporter insists. “And besides, the guy who plays you on ‘Saturday Night Live’ is way hotter.”

The day grinds on. False stories repeatedly corrected by the campaign continue to air. One Palin-Obama supporter - a plumber who asked John McCain a tough question at a campaign stop - had his private medical files hacked into, and found Candy Crowley hiding in his dumpster.

One more campaign stop, more questions about his wife’s politics, his children’s travel schedule and his clothing budget - and Palin-Obama finally reaches his hotel for a night’s rest.

His nightmare of misreporting, mean-spirited negative attacks and blatant media bias is over. For Gov. Sarah Palin, it’s going to last at least 12 more days.

Original Column

The Fab Faux - A Day In the Life (Beatles Cover) - Mp3

If You Will It, It Is No Dream

Communism deprives no man of the ability to appropriate the fruits of his labour. The only thing it deprives him of is the ability to enslave others by means of such appropriations.

- MARX

Don't get your hopes up. I haven't changed teams. I just looking at these posters of Obama's that I see everywhere. They reminded me of things you see in war movies in Vietnam or eastern Europe. My curiosity led me to find who designed these posters. Shepard Fairey. The crazy thing was when I looked up his other work. Self fulfilling prophecy I guess.....

Walk the Line DVD cover - normal

Saddam....what?

Stalin and Lenin...who is this guy? He has about 5 other old school communist posters with Stalin & Lenin and a couple of solo shots of each of them.......?

Good old Mao Tse-tung.....love these icons!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not lumping O Town in with these monsters (what did he not have enough time to squeeze in a quick Castro portrait?). And I know these posters are likely not endorsed or produced via Obama's campaign (they cost $70!). Either way, I feel like his handlers might have steered him away from such a similarity.

Finally, those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes. Eh, Comrade?

- Austin Powers

The Presidential Debate

Wow! Did anyone get anything out of that? Undecided voters are now decided - yeah right...No one learned anything last night, and my time was wasted. I was no more enthused with my candidate nor enthused about the other. Again, pretty pitiful that this is the best we've got. For Democrats, Obama is NOT the best they can do. He may be the best shot for victory, but clearly not the best candidate they can offer for the leader of our country. My only moment of chuckles last night was where Obama nearly went down the wrong road. He almost went into the "I know know more about controlling the military/military strategy than you". All I could think of was McCain snapping and channeling Col. Jessep - It would have been something like this.....

McCain: Have you ever spent time in an infantry unit, son?

Obama: No sir.

McCain: Ever served in a forward area?

Obama: No sir.

McCain: Ever put your life in another man's hands, ask him to put his life in yours?

Obama: No sir.

McCain: We follow orders, son. We follow orders or people die. It's that simple. Are we clear?

Obama: Yes sir.

McCain: Are we CLEAR?

Obama: Crystal.

McCain: Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Sen. Biden? I've had a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for health care and you curse the Upper Class. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That the Iraq War, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you wanted me on that wall. You needed me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I've provided, then questions the manner in which I provided it. I'd prefer you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to.

I took some liberties there to make it applicable. Oh, woe is America...